Snow.
This one word excites me yet somehow terrifies me all at the same time.
I’d only seen snow once before in my life when I was at Jungfraujoch in Switzerland. It was during my Euro trip back in 2008 and oddly enough, it was smack bang in the middle of summer. Reading back on my blog post now, I seemed pretty excited:
I did everything you would expect a six year old to do when taken to the snow; I jumped in it; I threw myself into a heap of it; I made snow balls and threw them at my mates when they least expected it; I made a snow angel and got terribly soaked while in the process and last, but not least, I built a snowman.
Everything except skiing…
MT. HOTHAM:
I was heading to Mt. Hotham with my work crew; it was a rewarding weekend away after the crazy last few weeks we’d had in the office after our Blogopolis conference. It was also a time to get some team bonding under our belts and by team bonding, I clearly mean boozing. The cars had been packed with food, warm clothing and most importantly, bottle upon bottle of wine, vodka, rum and beer.
Mt. Hotham is roughly a five hour drive out of Melbourne and located in the north-eastern part of Victoria. Highlights of our road trip included an early morning stop at Maccas for breakfast, our first view of snow which left me EEEEEE’ing when we stopped at the bottom of the mountain to pick up our gear (photo below) and Kruppy’s gas light flashing in his car when we were only half way up the mountain and in need of some major acceleration with no gas stations anywhere in sight!
THE CHALET:
We were lucky enough to be staying right up on the slopes in a 13-person chalet that goes by the name of Caravaggio. Our Mt. Hotham accommodation was beautiful and with four bedrooms, three bathrooms and a spa, who can complain? The views from our balcony were to die for and I called dibs on one of the bottom bunks – pure bliss. The day we got in, visibility was excellent which meant our view of the mountains was spectacular!
After a few beers Holly, Steph and myself head outside to make a snowman. Sadly he never got finished and we just left him with an ass. I hope this didn’t mortify innocent little children as they passed by. The rest of the evening was spent with good company, a home cooked dinner and of course, more beer, because, let’s be honest, there can never be enough beer.
THE SKI LESSON:
Everyones first time can be a little painful, even a little messy. There’s that small possibility that you’ll end up soaking wet, ass up and covered in white stuff. There’s also a strong chance that you’ll end up extremely sore the next day – aches from muscles you never knew you even had. It’s important you use protection – something I probably should have considered before I went out and got myself knocked up. A helmet and knee pads probably would have been wise.
A few of us were booked in to take ski lessons the next morning. It just so happened to start snowing over night so although we had fresh snow, visibility wasn’t the greatest. I’d never skied a day in my life but thought it would be fun – oh how wrong I was. I don’t remember our ski instructors name so for the purpose of this blog entry, let’s name him Hans.
Hans seemed like a nice bloke, about 6ft in height with gentle eyes and a trusting smile. He taught us the basics in skiing but most importantly, he taught us how to snow plough. I trusted Hans when he said a snow plough would bring me to a stop when skiing down a slope. I also trusted Hans when he told me I had been doing a great job during the lesson and that he thought I was ready to hit the beginners slope. Little did I know, Hans was lying – his innocent, trusting smile and those gentle eyes had given me a false feeling of comfort and reassurance – all utter bullshit.
1. Kruppy and I, both eager and enthused, jump onto the chair lift and gear up for our first slope. While on the chair lift we marvel at how easy it would be to fall out of our seat and plunge to our deaths down the mountain. It is here where we realise that the chair lift is not like a ride at an amusement park and that the workers at the start do not push the safety harness over your head for you. I slightly panic realising how horrible this could have been if Kruppy didn’t realise we had to swing the safety barrier over ourselves. Sigh of relief.
2. I knew I had to jump off the chair lift when we were nearing the end, only I had no idea how perfectly timed it all had to be. I left it a few seconds too late and before I knew it, I was circling back around to the start and the lady was screaming at me because they had to stop the chair lift. I fail at life.
3. The beginners slope looked awfully steep but Hans told me I was ready, he had faith in me and I trusted his bullshit gentle eyes and trusting smile. Off I went. The speeds I was hitting were way too fast for my liking. I commenced snow plough position. Snow plough failed me. While I went ass over head in a rage of fury, I pictured Hans’ trusting smile. Asshole.
4. I don’t like failure or defeat so I get back up and give it another shot, maybe I just got the snow plough wrong. Again, insanely fast speeds that I can not control. Snow plough fails me. I pray there is no one in my path, especially a child because I’m pretty sure I’d total them completely if we crossed paths. Again, ass up in the air, pretty sure I flipped and boom; I smash my head hard on the snow, my poles fly out of my hands and slide metres down ahead of me and although Hans told me my boots would unattach themselves from my skis if this happened, they didn’t. As I sat up helplessly in the snow, my skis and boots weight my legs down and twisted them inwards until my toes were horizontally facing inward, flat against the snow. Ouch. I really would have liked to shove my pole up Hans’ ass right about now.
In case you’re wondering what it looks like when a bunch of people are skiing directly towards you while you lay helplessly on the ground, here’s a picture…
My first slope was my last and I never want to ski again.
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Got any shocking ski experiences to share?
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Getting stuck in a blizzard on the middle of the Eagle Chair lift at Falls Creek for 45 mins was not great. Being 12 at the time was even worse. eeek
OMG that’s terrible. That would be enough for me to never even want to go back to the snow! Glad you lived it through and stuck it out enough to want to go back.
I loved this post. We usecto go skiing here when we were kids and loved every minute of it.
My brother once brother huis leg while skiing (he was about 7) and I had to leave him there and go downcthe mountain to find help. I can’t wait to take our kids.
I hope it’s not the last time you skii, you shouldn’t definitely give it anoteher go.
Exactly, I shouldn’t give it another go! You took the words right out of my mouth!
hahahahaha! that sounds like a horrible experience. no wonder you didn’t want to continue. i think hans didnt teach you how to control your speed.
let’s go next year. holly and i will teach you instead (:
If I’m not happily living in the US by then I may consider your offer… you can teach me to ski around the snowman I will make because I’m definitely not going down another slope. You have gentle eyes and a trusting smile so I may as well just assume you’ll lie to me – this is what my experience with Hans has taught me.
Hey Lynda, I’m going to work in a ski resort in Canada in November and have never skiied before either.. Thank you for reminding me of my horrible fear of chairlifts! Haha do you think snowboarding would be easier??
Hey Phoebe! That’s awesome!!! Which one? Haha snowboarding looked even harder because you have no poles, it’s all about balance I guess. I have two friends that did work programs at ski resorts, one up in Canada too and they both loved it and learned to ski while there. Yeah the chairlift was freaky! How long you going for?
Hahaha I am not the sportiest of people so I can see myself failing… uhhoh. Well, the visa allows me to work for up to two years, so I have bought myself a one way ticket and will see how I like it! I am very excited! Not sure which resort yet, pretty flexible, possibly around BC area or nearby. You should come visit and then write about it 😀
Ah I’ve always wanted to visit BC! I’m in Florida for 6 weeks from December 1 but if I end up ever being able to move over I’ll come visit! How exciting!!!
First times are meant to be horrible I think, especially if you’re an adult. I took perhaps the unfortunate route of choosing snowboarding instead of skiing. I think I was 20 almost 21 the first time I tried and it ended with SO many frustrations, a very sore tail bone and multiple scrapes on my face.
And now that I’ve scared you off for sure, I’ll say that about 8 years later I love snowboarding! It’s still a challenge but I’m glad I did not give up and went back, tried again, and conquered it. Lessons are definitely helpful or at least someone that knows what they’re doing that can help you out.
I’ve been told that skiing is easy to learn but hard to master and that snowboarding is hard to learn but easy to master. While I’m not a master by any means, I do think the learning curve for each makes sense from what I’ve witnessed. I hope you give it a try again sometime and maybe take some pain meds beforehand?!
OMG scrapes on your face :-/
It was easy to learn… because he taught us on a flat surface where I could control my speed and the snow plough worked – very different when you’re actually coming down a slope at an insanely fast speed that you can’t control. I guess Hans should have taught us on a low inclined slope so we would have had a better feeling for it all.
Pain meds before hand might not be the best idea… I think I’d be slightly high then haha.
Yikes! Us Aussies aren’t bred for the snow!
Nope, we’re sure not. I’ll take 45 degree heat plus humidity any day!
I felt just as pissed off at Hans as you were! Glad you’re ok though.
Thank you for share. I like it.